“Because, that’s the thing about love, really. No one will love you how you want to be loved, they’ll love you in the only ways they know how. Life throws everyone down drastically different paths so how can we expect everyone to love in the same way? The person you’ll spend your lifetime with will love you in their way and you’ll love in yours, and maybe you’ll meet in the middle and it’ll last. None of us know what we’re doing, you see, we’re just fumbling for matches in the dark. If you’re lucky, you might eventually just strike the right one.”—
It’s almost always easier then stating the obvious. I write music to say all the things I’m terrified to say. The most frustrating thing in the world, is to write a song about or for someone and get no response. It’s the worse feeling in the world. It’s like being a small child and being ignored. Remember that feeling when you were a kid and you lost your mom for a few seconds in the mall. Your stomach dropped out, your eyes swelled up and you felt the whole world crush down on you. That’s what it’s like. It’s like putting your soul to a melody, playing it and then being lost in the mall again.
okay so last night I had this dream I had a baby. She was a little girl. She had the biggest brightest blue eyes. I’m telling you right now that I don’t have intentions of having kids any time soon but I am already madly in love with her. Her name was Byrd (bird but spelled with a y). I don’t know how I remember the spelling of her name but alas I do.
I just remember she was beautiful and so adorable. But I couldn’t keep her. I was standing on this door step writing a letter in a notebook. It was how I was so sorry I couldn’t take care of her, how I’d been watching this family and they looked like they could love her and give her everything. She was wrapped in a dark pink blanket and I set her down on the steps and tucked the notebook in the mail drop on the door. I was with someone but I don’t remember who. Some guy. He was pulling my arm along and telling me I had to go, that she’d be okay.
We were driving through my old neighborhood and not even half way home I turned the car around to go back for her. Then I woke up.
I have no idea what the hell that dream means. I woke up feeling scared and sad. I was scared for my daughter that doesn’t exist. I was sad that I had to give her up and I couldn’t take care of her even though I loved her.
I just wanted to write this down cause I didn’t want to forget the beautiful little girl in my dream. She’s been on my mind all day.