I was sitting in the Chicago auditorium with my aunt. Lisa Hannigan was on stage in the middle of her third or fourth song. I was trying to focus on the music but people were still walking into the theater to get to their seats, and there was a distracting buzz from their shuffling and whispering. I was just staring blankly towards the stage trying to soak in everything when Sarah leaned over. “Okay, pretend you have no history and no future. You only have right now.” I paused for a moment trying to soak it in. My brain quickly tried to erase all of my history, I tried to forget everything up till that very moment. “It really makes you appreciate the moment, doesn’t it?” she asked. Again, I paused still lost in thought. “Tomorrow’s not promised, you can’t go back to yesterday, you can’t fix yesterday, you can’t touch it. It’s gone. We really only have right now,” was what finally escaped my lips.
Sometimes I really wished I’d listen to my own words.
David Gray was amazing. I’m kind of happy my phone died because I would’ve called you during ‘Sail Away' and that wouldn't have been pointless. (Sean and I want to develop a App for the iphone that prevents you from calling or drunk dialing your ex's between a set period of time - I like it lol). I was enjoying his set, then he started playing 'This Year’s Love’. It was weird, I was staring at the stage, I could hear everything, I could see everything but I was so not there. I was completely lost in really random thoughts of Nashville, my ex, my record. Then my aunt touched my arm and I realized I had tears in my eyes. It was kind of a surreal moment. I don’t even know how to explain it.
Anyway, I’m rambling! This David Gray song, I am adding to my list of ‘potential songs to dance to at my wedding’: Slow Motion.
It was a fantastic show. Both Lisa Hannigan and David Gray are amazing talents. Thank you music!
“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars… pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is…I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange…no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”— Yvaine - Stardust written by Jane Goldman & Matthew Vaughn, from the novel by Neil Gaiman
I’m trying. I really am. It would just be nice to go one FUCKING day and be fine the entire day. But alas - silly me! I went to take a picture of my cat being a goober on my phone and it pulled up my photo album so I was flipping through. And of course I find pictures of random things I sent you, sun sets, cliff diving. And there was one picture that I specifically recall you texting me back saying ‘Mine, Mine, Mine, all mine <3’. And recalling exactly where I was when I got that text. The exact location in Tennessee, the way the weather was, who I was with, everything. It all came back to me and I felt like the biggest piece of shit.
So I threw up. Called my mom.
And then Kyle just sat there hugging me. I’m so sorry to all the people I am currently a burden on. There’s just so much going right now, it’s just a lot to deal with. My dad. The record. Work. Just a combination of everything and anything. It’s like I can handle one at a time but of course shit hits the fan at all at once.
I just need to breathe, thats all I have to do right now. Just breathe.
“Instincts that seem to sense the threat
of a loss so huge and irreparable that
the mind balks at taking its measure - I
begin to wonder if I do understand what
Chris is saying any longer. But I catch
myself in doubt and remember that these
are not the parents he grew up with.
That in the forced reflection that comes
with loss, indeed everything Chris is
saying, has to be said. And I trust for
him that everything he is doing has to be
done. This is our life.”— Carine McCandless Into the Wild
I am so excited for new Tegan and Sara!!! They’re so much fun live so the fact they’re coming out with a new record = more touring! I like it. I’m interested to hear what the rest of the record is going to sound like
thatmelissagirlx I have followed you for over a year now, I think the first song I come across was “sixteen year heartbreak” and then the song you covered for TWLOHA. (which made me also a fan of them.) I think this song is incredible.. You can tell that there’s so much hurt in it, and it’s real. You can see it by your facial expressions. I hope things get better for you, and you should add this on to your album. I read your blog, don’t remove this. I think you’re amazing.
alexlovesATLthis may possibly be my favorite song that you’ve ever written. I’ve been following you for the past three years and I love all of your songs. I can’t wait for the album. xoxo.
Tater608This will be a number one hit on album number two! Because London is just too awesome not to have at least 5 albums in the future! This breakup has also brought out more of your talent. It sucks that you’re going through it, but you have become a better musician through this whole thing. You are good. But now your better then before and will achieve even more success in your career. Maybe you’ll be the next Haley Williams!
talon8uWow, he’s a lucky guy. How could anyone not want you back after hearing that?
MuzikLuvaaever since I saw this on ur blog I’ve wanted to hear you sing it. it is the best song I’ve heard in a really long time, and I am very happy to hear it. I’m just sad that it won’t be on ur album :) stay strong London
js21392I knew this song was going to be good when I read it in your blog..nd I was right!! Ur going to be selling out MSG b4 u know it! And don’t worry, u will find love one day, that I’m sure about!! Someone would have to be an idiot to break up with u amazing girl!! love always, josh
Smiley7912that made me cry. like seriously :\ I love you London. never change.
drummerchick826Oh my god. I have been searching all summer for a song like this. I heard the first line and I knew this was the song I was looking for, and having you sing it makes it ten times better XoXo Kay XoXo
camerican17Yay! I’m so happy you’re posting videos again! You can totally hear your Michelle Branch inspiration in this song
JPCace God, ur so talented! =D and this song is simply beautiful! Songs like these reflect the same emotional problems ur having right now, but don’t give up! Ur beautiful, talented, funny…anything a man could ever want! Believe me…just stay strong and you’ll see someone even better will appear in ur life ;D Best of luck, London! =D
redirectingpoppy I don’t know you. I follow you on youtube and twitter, I don’t know you at all, I only know what you are on the internet. I don’t know the circumstances of your break up, or how much pain he is in. But London, you look as if it’s tearing you apart. And honestly, I wish I knew you, I wish I could help you through this, but I can’t, and you have already found a way. And, it sounds brilliant.
AirFlowsBlack This gave me Goosebumps. And made me cry. A lot of people can relate to you, which I think you already know. I loved the lyric, “You’re the last thing on my mind and the first when I wake, I’m so sick and tired of lying to my face” and the way you sang it. So beautiful. But honey, don’t you dare give him your heart to do with what he wants. If he broke up with you, then obviously, he isn’t worthy of it. You’re a totally beautiful, creative spirit, and you deserve way better.
JulietOriginals London, this was absolutely phenomenal! The emotion you showed touched me incredibly. It really made me feel like I was actually in your shoes, made me a tad bit teary eyed. I’ve always thought this, but you are going to do great things in life. Your music is so unique. It’s different from anything I’ve heard, and that’s what I absolutely love about you. Keep going girl. Stay strong!! xoxo Juliet
What a random day! Sarah and I went shopping together which was a total FAIL. I was in a bad mood. She was in a bad mood. She couldn’t find anythign she liked and I wasn’t much help with picking stuff out. I ended up driving over to my mom’s house to color my hair again. I was doing fine keeping everything together till we started talking in the car. I haven’t cried that hard in a long time. I mean I’ve cried quiet a bit here and there but I like broke down today. I’m like exhausted sitting here at 9:35 pm lol.
But after I cried, I ended up falling asleep on my mom’s couch cause I felt so sick. Woke up. Colored my hair again. Then I got into a huge fight with my dad. I didn’t hold back this time. I finally said somethings that I’ve always wanted to say. Fuck it, I can’t make anyone happy these days so if he’s going to go off on me about things in his life when he doesn’t even know anything about mine, I’m going to speak my mind!
Now I’m back home (with a slight tummy ache and head ache) packing my bags. Kyle asked me to go to New York with him, Nick and Dane. They have an extra ticket for Blink 182 at Madison Square Garden. So Fuck it! I’m packing my bags and going. I said no at first but my mom said I was ridiculous for not going. She gave me extra cash and told me to go live life. I love that lady lol. So I guess that’s what we’re going. We’re going ground zero, time square, madison square garden. We’re stopping in Philly to run the ‘rocky steps’. lol. I hope the next few days are all smiles and laughs. I need it. I need a trip thats not work related. That’s not anything related. Thats random and just a good time. Besides, I’m going with one of my best friends. I can’t wait. Well I’m going to start packing. Make some more mixes. I’m trying not to sleep till we drive. We leave at midnight! I’m just so sleeeeeeeeepy.
Dear London - Leave your problems at the door get in the car and have a good time. -LA